I hate it that you are doing exactly what i did to the people in my past. I hate myself for giving in and telling you and everything else that went with it. Its annoying that for some reason whenever you asked i am always soft hearted and give in to you.
But at the same time i worry about your safety. You dont know how relieve i felt when i heard you were in Australia and not in the most populous country.
Remember the recording on your mobile? the one you recorded? those words will always be with me and will continue to do so no matter how difficult it is.
AS
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i am starting to develop this understanding, that majority of the reason people who speaks their concerns publicly either through internet, friends etc is so they can be pitied on or to comfort by people who is concern enough to read their thoughts. Humans naturally feels better when someone tries to comfort someone. When you do something wrong you would naturally talk to a friend, and that friend will of course naturally say something to comfort you. They wont pay you out more and more to make you feel worst.
Indifferent - Having no particular interest or concern; apathetic;
got that word from someone’s blog, you should think to yourself why would someone want to be like that in the first place? dont just complain, do something about it if it bothers you so much to even talk about their attitude.
if that was referred to me, then eh we both knew its going to head their but then again wtf am i talking about this crap. If i do actually appear indifferent to you then i have achieved something and feels a bit rewarding, because you will officially be the first person i have shown no interest to or dont want to have interest in. Everyone i met i will have an interest in except you. Yes i am being a bit bitter, face it, its probably the new me.
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shown me the side of human
a side of this world
shown me a side of you
that now i fully understand of what you are
its funny, when it comes to you i am totally speechless
lost hopes, i can no longer come up with excuses
you care about how people see you
your so worked up about your social status
that you are willing to write long comments in the blog to explain yourself to the public eye
to explain that you did no wrong, using justification like “its not like i did not give you back something”
to make it fair and even for what we went through. what happened can never be balanced, can not be repay.
so go and stay in your world where you worried about social status, go back to your world of wanting to be living in a high class society.
i just feel….sorry for you
your a unique person in my life
you have affected me so much
that i am not able to shake them off
dont think i can remove the spicy tastes from my food ever again
i still want to learn mandarin, because of you
i want to visit china more because of you
when the earthquake happened, i worried for you
its funny how people from different world can leave such a lasting effect on each other
i am sorry that i did not know how to appreciate you back then
and its such a “shame and pity”that we ended up like this. remember those words? i borrowed it from you.
remember, the things that i said to you, the words that you recorded with the phone will always apply.
you were there at the beginning
the beginning of my journey
such a shame on how we ended up
we would have made great friends if we didnt started
if we would have remain as friends
as i was inexperience in life
sorry to be the person who brought you heaps of laughter and heaps of tears
]]>ever been where u wanna hate someone so that u dont give a crap about them but then you cant be you care deeply bout them? but then they just turn their back on you which makes u look like a fool that wanna hate them n the cycle repeats…i dont understand … i really dont… i feel like a failure…seeing the ppl around me makes me feel like a failure in all areas… maybe i am going crazy…maybe crazy is good cause you will always be sorta happy and dont really care about anything….
]]>this month is good food month, would have been great if we both could have went there together….would be having so much fun, i know you will like it especially the food stores..
]]>i was the one who chose it
i never and dont regret the time i spent
now that it didnt work out i shouldnt be blaming you
i blame myself for this not working out
i blame myself for giving both of us a hard time
i blame myself for your buckets of tears
this is the reality
i need to have courage to accept my responsibilities
i need to have courage to accept my reality
i think i am beginning to change, well i have started to change a while ago b4 and you have confirmed it. as everytime i spent time with you, you would pick out stuff that i do that even myself think is not good, like bragging and starting to be a bit cocky. before i wouldnt have done so but you have confirmed it. but our situation have reinforced the reason why i am changing and made me wanna change to be that kind of person….i feel really numb and changing to that kind of person might help….
]]>i knew i said that i know what i was doing when i enter this especially i am the one who always lecture about having the mindset ready when you decide on something. So i am not complaining about what i did and the time it took. cause i dont think it was a waste.
haii life just seem sort of out of sync atm, and i’ve been getting headaches and nausea. dont know where they came from.
when i look at how i am reacting now to how i reacted 5years ago i can say i have matured, i have learnt to accept things but still kept what i believed in. i still have feelings for you, you can get angry or get frustrated when i say this (even though i dont know why u do when i say it) it is the fact.
you’ve been telling me to be a man and get over it. so am i not manly enough for you? that reminds me to something you said. i have nothing that you want. i really want to know what dont i have that you want? is it cause i dont live in a wealthy society ? have rich parents? not specialise or talented in any instruments? i know im comparing but your words make me compare. and i really want to know what and why. and regarding about being more ‘man’ . so when your a man your supposed to get over someone straight away in a week or less? or even in a couple of days? it takes a while for any man, a man that put dedication and commitment. anyone in this world will take a long time. and especially for me when i decide on something i believe in it and hence i go stubborn on it.
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