wathe.blog

Right now, in this very moment of my life there only really one person i want to speak to. The person who has always supported me when i tell them my idea and really took care of me when i am mentally and physically down.

I hate it that you are doing exactly what i did to the people in my past. I hate myself for giving in and telling you and everything else that went with it. Its annoying that for some reason whenever you asked i am always soft hearted and give in to you.

But at the same time i worry about your safety. You dont know how relieve i felt when i heard you were in Australia and not in the most populous country.

Remember the recording on your mobile? the one you recorded? those words will always be with me and will continue to do so no matter how difficult it is.

AS

i am starting to develop this understanding, that majority of the reason people who speaks their concerns publicly either through internet, friends etc is so they can be pitied on or to comfort by people who is concern enough to read their thoughts. Humans naturally feels better when someone tries to comfort someone. When you do something wrong you would naturally talk to a friend, and that friend will of course naturally say something to comfort you. They wont pay you out more and more to make you feel worst.

Indifferent - Having no particular interest or concern; apathetic;
got that word from someone’s blog, you should think to yourself why would someone want to be like that in the first place? dont just complain, do something about it if it bothers you so much to even talk about their attitude.
if that was referred to me, then eh we both knew its going to head their but then again wtf am i talking about this crap. If i do actually appear indifferent to you then i have achieved something and feels a bit rewarding, because you will officially be the first person i have shown no interest to or dont want to have interest in. Everyone i met i will have an interest in except you. Yes i am being a bit bitter, face it, its probably the new me.

seriously…what the hell is going on? my feelings and emotions are so screw up i dont know what i am feeling no more. my personal life is so fucked already, now i wont have a proper secure job after january if i am not successful in finding a new graduate position since i was relying on my current internship but got informed that i wont be offered a graduate position. families has always been a baggage i have been carrying with me, even though some say its prolly not my responsibilities but i feel its my obligation. i think i am a bad brother ? i worried about my sister but i dont know what to do to make it easier for her. exams are coming … trying to concentrate on them … afraid that i wont get decent marks to push up my gpa and which will fall back on my career…. sometimes i wonder how long i can last till i cant hold it anymore and have a break down? that would be the day wouldnt it? i feel lonely….like no1 i can truely pour out my thoughts….

ever been where u wanna hate someone so that u dont give a crap about them but then you cant be you care deeply bout them? but then they just turn their back on you which makes u look like a fool that wanna hate them n the cycle repeats…i dont understand … i really dont… i feel like a failure…seeing the ppl around me makes me feel like a failure in all areas… maybe i am going crazy…maybe crazy is good cause you will always be sorta happy and dont really care about anything….